Day 1:
At 8:00 on the morning of July 29, 2009, I arrived at the orthodontist in Lehi. After enduring many insensitive jibes about my looming surgery from the calloused, unfeeling nurses (I believe they were called Cruella and Jabba), I entered the room where the fateful destruction of my four extra molars was to take place. The oral surgeon entered, and imformed me that he was wearing his lucky wristband. I remarked dryly that I hoped he wasn't relying too much on luck. He said not to worry, as he had learned how to do this surgery pretty well the day before. I asked whether he had learned it on Wikipedia. He didn't answer, which I took as a bad omen. Shortly thereafter, they put me on Nitrous Oxide. I had previously instructed my mouth to stop moving at the mention of Nitrous Oxide, as other peoples' experiences have told me that the line between "witty" and "retarded" statements blurs alarmingly with the introduction of that particular gas.
Is this real life?
I inhaled the laughing gas with exceptional dignity, and vaguely felt an IV being inserted into my arm. Then I woke up on my couch at home. Subsisting on a steady diet of water and Lortab, my thoughts were not too clear that day. At one point, I decided to go check my FaceBook. Rising off the couch, I walked up the stairs and sat down at the computer. At that point, my vision went black and I only just managed to gently lower myself onto the floor before I lost consciousness. "Edward..." I moaned, as the hole in my chest overpowered me.
Day 2:
July 30, 2009. I woke up, and promptly went back to sleep. This event occurred with alarming regularity throughout the entire day. I read all of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. And I drank some Fuze. (Note: I finished that Fuze off today. It tasted like getting your wisdom teeth out.)
On the plus side, I was free to choose a position other than "laying down" without being forced to do Bella impersonations.
Day 3:
I had to go into work today for a while, until they could find someone to cover. A friend of mine who also works at Iceberg came in, took one look at me, and burst out laughing. Well, I'm glad one of us found humor in the situation.
And because I'm a rebel, I'm not even going to post a picture of my comically swollen face. That's right, I'm denying all seven of my readers that pleasure!
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