G-Force Review

Let me give you a little background on this post: I was sitting at my computer, writing a sample article for the newspaper, which was a movie review. Since the only new releases I've seen so far are HP6 and G-Force (don't ask), I decided to write on G-Force. Somewhere along the line, maybe four or five words into the review, I could no longer dam the veritable river of sarcasm screaming to pour out of my head onto the paper, and the review became an example of exactly what NOT to do while writing a newspaper article, to be shown to the class tomorrow. Now I'm not here to educate you all on correct journalistic writing. I'm here to make you laugh. And I figured this was blog material. Without further ado, here goes:

This summer's box office contains many hits, but none of them are quite like G-Force. This thrilling yet comical release will keep your eyes glued to the screen while scenes of rodent-ridden action excite and amaze you! Tracy Morgan's inspiring performance nearly moved me to tears. He certainly has not sunk to a new low in his comedic career by voicing an animated guinea pig in a children's film, not to mention co-starring in a movie with Nicolas Cage.

The story follows our four quadruped heroes as they traverse the big city in an attempt to foil the plans of mega-billionaire CEO, Leonard Saber. Through a completely unpredictable plot twist, the team's tech support mole (a brilliant pun), fondly referred to as "Speckles," turns out to be the supervillain behind Leonard Saber's appliance-turned-killing-machines.

After an absolutely heartrending emotional climax, where it is tragically revealed that the guinea pig secret agents are not, in fact, biologically engineered to be mentally superior to all other guinea pigs, the G-Force team spends 30 seconds reflecting before moving out again to shout clichés (or in Tracy Morgan's case, black clichés), blow stuff up, and make Will Arnett's character look like a real dimwit.

I won't ruin the movie for you, but don't expect everything to end happily without something unexpected happening first! So this summer, be sure to avoid seeing District 9 or G.I. Joe - opt for the better option: G-Force in 3D!

I don't have a whole lot else to say on the subject. If you haven't seen G-Force, save your money. If you have, this article is probably a little funnier to you. Also, sorry for not having any pictures this post. I was too lazy.

I'm Bumping My Other Blog

This one will be a quickie.

Reader's Digest version: I'm building a guitar right now, and I want to document everything. Since I vowed to keep this blog strictly to topics on which I can easily write humorous posts, I'm creating a separate blog to follow my guitar-building progress. For those interested, I've put a link at the top of my sidebar. For those not interested, I've put a link at the top of my sidebar, but I want you to ignore it.

Adventures of a Senegal Scammer, Part I

Remember the 90s, back when cyberspace was this neat-o new invention that could be used for communication and business? Remember how approximately seven minutes after the internet was launched, some guy figured he could use it to scam people? Well that's one internet trend that has continued to be rampant, even in futuristic 2009. And finally, after years of waiting, the scam industry has decided to grace me with the privilige of receiving an email from a destitute African woman, whose father left her $2.3 million U.S. dollars. But she dares not attempt to access these funds from her refugee camp in Senegal. No, she needs a trustworthy soul in America to help her transfer the money to a U.S. bank account first.

This blog will spend a few posts following the progress of our journey together to transfer the funds to a U.S. bank account where she can safely withdraw it, and begin life anew in America, possibly rewarding the savior who assisted her in these transactions with a large sum of the money. Where will our adventures take us? Only time will tell.

Let's start with a transcript of the email I received.

"Hello my dearest
How are you today?
I am more than happy in your reply to my mail.
Mine is a little bit cold over here in Dakar senegal.
My name is Grace koneh from Ivory Coast in West Africa, i am 22yrs old, 5.3ft tall, fair in complexion and presently i am residing in the refugee camp here in dakar as a result of the civil war that was fought in my country.My late father Dr Oliver koneh was the personal advicer to the former head of state before the rebels attacked our house one early morning and killed my mother and my father in cold blood .it was only me that is alive now as the only child and I managed to make my way to a near by country senegal where i am leaving now In this camp .
Its just like one staying in the prison and i hope by God's grace i will come out here soon.i don't have any relatives now whom i can go to, all my relatives ran away in the middle of the war the only person i know here is Rev.father andrew kuma who is incharge of the church here in the camp ,

The rev, father's Tel number is (00221771703012) if you call and tell him that you want to speak with me then he will send for me from my hostel to come and speak with you . As a refugee here i don't have any right or privilege to any thing be it money or whatever because it is against the law of this country.I want to go back to my studies because i only attended my first year before the tragic incident that lead to my being in this situation now took place.

Please listen to this,when my father was alive he deposited some amount of money in one of the leading banks in europe which he used my name as the next of kin, the amount is $2.3M (Two million three Hundred Thousand Dollars),

I have my late father's Deposit Certificate and death Certificate here with me which i will send to you latter, So i will like you to help me transfer this money to your account and from it you can send some money for me to get my travelling documents and air ticket to come over to your place in order to further my studies, I kept this secret to people in the camp here because i don't want to loose the money or my life.

So in the light of above i will like you to keep it to yourself and don't tell it to anyone for i am afraid of loosing my life and the money if people gets to know about it.
Remember i am giving you all this information due to my beleive in GOD and hoping that you will not disappoint me.I like honest and understanding people,truthful and hardworking person.My local language is french but i speak English very fluently.

Please i will like you to answer me these questions:
1.What percentage of the money will be good for you after the money is transfered into your account?
2. can i trust you as a genuine friend ?

Meanwhile i will like you to call me like i said, i have alot to tell you..
Have a nice day and think about my condition here
Attach here is my pictures for you,
With love, Grace"

Here are the pictures that were attached:





This screams "refugee camp"


Now, there are many routes I could take with this opportunity. I could play the role of the absolute sucker, and give her fake bank information that would lead to her frustration. I could play the role of the absolute sucker, and give her extremely fake bank information that would lead to her arrest. I could turn the tables on her and ask her about helping me move a large sum of money from these weak U.S. dollars into a more secure currency, like Communaute Financiere Africaine francs, which just happen to be the standard monetary unit in Senegal. But I think that what I have planned is far more amusing. The trick with these emails is to be annoying enough to entertain yourself without giving away the fact that you're aware this is a scam.

Here is the transcript of the email which I have sent back:

Hello dear,

I'm doing great today. I had no idea that the civil war of Côte d'Ivoire had reached so far as to force refugees into camps in Senegal. I can empathize with your situation all to well, as my parents were also killed in a freak accident while on a safari in Guinea-Bissau shortly after I was born. I was raised by a small convent of monks, but set out last year to make my own destiny. I was 16 at the time, and have been living happily in Utah for a year and a half since then.

I would be happy to help you transfer your inheritance to a U.S. bank so you can fly to America and live here in peace and happiness, further your studies, and live a long, successful life.

I cannot ask for any of the money that is rightfully yours, especially knowing how tragic your past has been. My only payment will be the satisfaction of knowing I've helped out somebody in need of my service.

I hope that you can trust me as a friend, I want only to help you reach the United States safely and happily.

Thank you for the pictures; were they taken before or after your parents' deaths?

Please contact me soon so we can get started,
Andrew

From here, we wait. What will happen next? Stay tuned to watch this story unfold.