G-Force Review

Let me give you a little background on this post: I was sitting at my computer, writing a sample article for the newspaper, which was a movie review. Since the only new releases I've seen so far are HP6 and G-Force (don't ask), I decided to write on G-Force. Somewhere along the line, maybe four or five words into the review, I could no longer dam the veritable river of sarcasm screaming to pour out of my head onto the paper, and the review became an example of exactly what NOT to do while writing a newspaper article, to be shown to the class tomorrow. Now I'm not here to educate you all on correct journalistic writing. I'm here to make you laugh. And I figured this was blog material. Without further ado, here goes:

This summer's box office contains many hits, but none of them are quite like G-Force. This thrilling yet comical release will keep your eyes glued to the screen while scenes of rodent-ridden action excite and amaze you! Tracy Morgan's inspiring performance nearly moved me to tears. He certainly has not sunk to a new low in his comedic career by voicing an animated guinea pig in a children's film, not to mention co-starring in a movie with Nicolas Cage.

The story follows our four quadruped heroes as they traverse the big city in an attempt to foil the plans of mega-billionaire CEO, Leonard Saber. Through a completely unpredictable plot twist, the team's tech support mole (a brilliant pun), fondly referred to as "Speckles," turns out to be the supervillain behind Leonard Saber's appliance-turned-killing-machines.

After an absolutely heartrending emotional climax, where it is tragically revealed that the guinea pig secret agents are not, in fact, biologically engineered to be mentally superior to all other guinea pigs, the G-Force team spends 30 seconds reflecting before moving out again to shout clichés (or in Tracy Morgan's case, black clichés), blow stuff up, and make Will Arnett's character look like a real dimwit.

I won't ruin the movie for you, but don't expect everything to end happily without something unexpected happening first! So this summer, be sure to avoid seeing District 9 or G.I. Joe - opt for the better option: G-Force in 3D!

I don't have a whole lot else to say on the subject. If you haven't seen G-Force, save your money. If you have, this article is probably a little funnier to you. Also, sorry for not having any pictures this post. I was too lazy.