Three Rules for Better Writing

I was assigned in my english class (taught by everyone's favorite teacher, Gardner) a literary analysis on a novel we just finished. Now, I thought I had a pretty good grasp on the concepts behind a really good paper (thank you, Woolsey), but that day I learned a thing or two. We were given time to begin work on our rough draft in the writing lab, which translates approximately to "edit Wikipedia so it says that Ted Nugent was born in Highland" in my somewhat more developed dialect of English. I looked over for a moment, and noticed that my friend (uneducated in Andrewese, so obviously misunderstanding Garder's instructions) had started his paper with an impressive title. Earlier that period, we had been urged to choose a more interesting title for our paper, and his example really demonstrated good writing techniques. So, without further ado, I present three rules for better writing.

#1. The Thesaurus Makes You Look Smarter
Any teacher who ever told you that this was a dangerous tool, due to the possibility of using words in the wrong context, was obviously a quack. The thesaurus transforms a boring, cookie cutter title such as






into something MUCH more eye-popping.






Much better! If you're unfortunate enough not to have Microsoft Word on your computer, please proceed to catch up with the rest of the world. Go on, nobody's waiting.

#2. A Thesis is Optional

I know all your teachers probably never shut up about how important your thesis statement is. But this thesis-based system of organization is really starting to get outdated. A much more modern idea on how to organize your paper is known simply as "Utter Chaos." If you want to be original with your paper and avoid sounding like everyone else in your class, check out the details here. As a matter of fact, this "Utter Chaos" principle can be applied in a myriad of ways. For example, this girl demonstrates its fantastic effects when organizing notes in a piece of music.

#3. Don't Bore Your Readers

A paper should really be no longer than one page. Think of the Gettysburg Address - written on a train ride to the place where Abraham Lincoln was to deliver it. This paper is still nationally renowned today! The Declaration of Independence?




One page.






Also, the Constitution.


These great documents are perfect examples of being concise. But you would be hard-pressed to find any longer articles that have really made a difference in the world.

So until next time, remember these three golden rules and watch your papers get A's (and sometimes these little upside-down L's with an extra dash that I can only assume are better than an A) left and write! (Pun may or may not have been 100% intentional).