The wheels of history are only moved by blood! Since physically assassinating people is illegal, however, the next best thing is a smear campaign! But I do not do my wondrous plan justice - a smear campaign implies slander and lies. Our public denouncement of Miley Cyrus will be 100% honest!
In an effort to compile a large armory of ammunition for us to use in the coming conflict, I present:
4 Reasons To Hate the Existence of Miley Cyrus
#1 - She Belongs to the Disney Channel
How many others have we seen corrupted by Disney?
Lindsay Lohan - drug addict
Britney Spears - totally creepy
Hilary Duff - if MySpace could fit in one person, it would be Hilary Duff
Christy Romano - thinks she can sing
Kim Possible - poor girl got turned into a freakin' cartoon!
What do all these girls have in common? They were once incredibly popular, and then became the butt of many jokes.
#2. She Invaded YouTube
Yes, our beloved YouTube has been poisoned by the influence of this monster. We will not stand for this!
If you didn't watch that (which I would totally understand), let me sum it up for you. Miley and her obnoxious friend Mandy run around screaming at the top of their voices for no discernible reason. This continues for the eight minute duration of the video. But my point? IT'S ON YOUTUBE! Apparently public television wasn't enough for Miley and she wanted to shunt her bass voice on those souls lucky enough NOT to watch the Disney Channel as well.
But the true horror of the video only comes when you play it backwards. Similar to how "Revolution" repeats "Turn me on, dead man" over and over again, when reversed, this video shows Miley murder an orphan in cold blood, and then proceed to punch a kitten in the throat 16 times.
On a related note, if anyone wants to be severely creeped out, watch the backwards Revolution video with white text on black saying what the song says backwards on YouTube. Late at night. With nobody else there. *shudder*
#3. She Hates Children
Which is why she is trying to deafen them all with her incessant screeching, be it on TV, concerts, or YouTube.
#4. She Endorses Satanism and All its Practices
Shh.... eat babies.
I hope this post has incited those of you unaware of the extent of this menace to society's crimes. Remember - only with strength and each other can we remove this awful tumor from the minds of the general public. Feel free to insert other heinous crimes Cyrus has committed in the comments box. These should be similar to Chuck Norris jokes. Only, you know, bad.
That was a wonderful post. While I already was aware of all her heinous crimes, the clarification came as no shock to me. However, I AM thrilled by your eloquence and expedient tone. Go Andrew! Long live the crusade against substandard music(?)!
ReplyDeletedude. you have way too much time. You may need to rethink your priorities.
ReplyDeleteI feel very positive about the movement against Miley slash Hannah Montana. Let me know how it goes on depleting her fan club-you have a big task ahead of you.
ReplyDeleteI am in complete and utter agreement. I don't know Caleb, but he is WRONG! There IS no higher priority than ridding the world of this heinous and completely evil influence!
ReplyDeleteI already left my comment, but I couldn't resist leaving another, because the "Word Verification" word which just came up is "criply" and that is too funny to not type!
ReplyDelete