Once upon a time, I was trying to start my car this morning at about 6:15 so it could be warmed up and ready to go by 6:30, when I needed to leave for Seminary. Unfortunately, the engine wouldn't turn over. This was not particularly surprising, as the car is older than me, and held together with spit and prayers. So I popped the hood to take a look. Lo and behold, a LIVE TREE SQUIRREL was sitting on my engine block, staring me down.
"I dare you to do something about this," it said sassily. Except it couldn't really talk, except just pretend, okay?
"This is MY house."
I responded with a swift Z-Snap, and a resounding, "oh no you DITN'T!" I moon-walked to my garage to get on a pair of work gloves with which to remove the squirrel from my car with minimal risk of rabies and/or squirrel flu. When I came back, the squirrel scampered down into the undercarriage. It was out of reach, but I could still see its beady little eye. Staring at me. Mocking me. Right then, I almost got back in the car to make squirrel pâté. But my inner hippie vetoed this motion and I conceded defeat... for now. I took the Suburban to school.
When I got home, I checked out my engine block and my undercarriage carefully. It seemed squirrel-free, so I tried starting the car again. Nothing. The engine still wouldn't turn over. So. If the squirrel chewed through some wire or something else that would destroy my car... I'll just say I hope it was insta-fried down to a few moles of carbon, and blown by the wind right into Utah Lake.
The score stands at Squirrel: 2, Andrew: 0 right now. But I will have my revenge. And, heaven willing, get my car running again.
this is too funny!
ReplyDeleteHi Andrew.. I've enjoyed reading your endless ramblings very much.. I have an Uncle in Africa that needs help and was wondering if you could send me 10,000 dollars.. I wil pay you 100,000 dollars next week when I get my paycheck.. any support would be so appreciated.. ... hee hee
ReplyDeleteActually Andrew I was wondering if you could send me the link to your video spoof of SNL's Dear Sister.. I saw it before but cannot find it .. Thanks me piratey Nephew!!! Love you.. In case you didn't know me.. I'm Paula.. :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3EIlJ6niEY&fmt=18
ReplyDeleteThat should work.
Also, you totally had me there at first - because "Reverend Kumalo" (the guy that Grace mentioned) left a big comment on my Senegal Scammer Pt 1 post. Why he is googling my blog is a mystery. But he asked me to send him $305 to pay the fee for him to ship me the $10,000 that Grace supposedly raised for me. Good.
Dig. That. I heard of someone in that situation but with a cat. The guy inadvertently took his cat to work... and it wasn't even bring your cat to work day.
ReplyDelete