So today is my little brother's birthday, making him 14. For those of you who don't know how birthdays work around our house, here's a general formula:
6 months before birthday: Make a list of things you want on your birthday. If you are under the age of about 15, this list should include sections with actual items you think you might get, items that you hope maybe your parents will get you one of, and several items that you have an ice cube's chance in hell of actually getting. The items in the last section will be added only for sardonic value, and to remind your parents they're not from Alpine.
1 week before birthday - 1 day before birthday: Obsess endlessly about your birthday, by doing such things as reminding people it's in x days several times hourly, posting a countdown on FaceBook (re wording it every few minutes so it stays on the top of people's lists of friends' status updates), and printing trees worth of copies of your birthday list to post on people's doors, bulletin boards, and telephone poles throughout the city.
Sampling of a typical day
during this stage
The night before birthday: Try to contain your excitement at being sent to bed. We know you're getting presents in the morning. We know.
The morning of birthday: Theatrically pretend to jerk awake when the family comes into your room singing happy birthday at some ungodly hour of the morning. You're sure to fool everyone into believing that you haven't been lying awake in your bed for the past 7 hours, checking the clock frequently to see if it was 6:00 am yet.
So that's the general process around here. Feel free to share how your birthdays go down in the comments, as long as it's not horrendously boring.
You forgot the part about Mom and Dad pretending that "Oh when you turn [insert age here] years old you don't GET any presents! hardy har har.
ReplyDelete*presents"
ReplyDelete