Stake Office Secrets

Yesterday I was able to break into a high-security office facility in a stake center in Highland. This has been a goal of mine for some time.



Once again, I suspect there
is a trophy involved.

But what I found in that office was... let's say "enlightening." I cannot accurately tell, so instead I will show you the contents of one filing cabinet in particular. Be aware, you may learn more than you ever wanted to know about the underbelly of the church.

The following documents were all in the bottom drawer, buried under a veritable mountain of For the Strength of Youth pamphlets. After carefully photographing each piece of evidence, my position was compromised and I was forced to make a hasty getaway.

Any document that is hard to read (which would be any of them) can be clicked on to expand.

Exhibit A:




Exhibit B:



Exhibit C:



Exhibit D:



Exhibit E:



Possibly the most disturbing object, however, was found inside one of the "For the Strength of Youth pamphlets, cut out as if it were being hid in a prison.



Undetectable from the outside


I opened the book and extracted this:




Make what you will of these documents. My publisher will be getting back to me soon.

Dual Vlog with Melissa and I

I would also like everyone to know that I don't think Conference is really boring.

Vlog Wars: Episode I - the Phantom Remote

For those of you who need it, here's the URL:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ycqU4hjRr_E

For those of you who don't, here's the video:


Please note that as soon as I was done with filming the first section, I found the remote. The irony gods smile upon me today.

The Answer

We all know that I like making fun of things. What some of you MAY not know however, is that I also enjoy dating. Kaycie sent me this video to ask me to Preference this year, so I decided to reply in kind. I consider my answer video to be somewhat of a blend of my two passions: making fun of stuff, and scoring a date. And making movies is fun in its own right, too. Here is Kaycie's video.




http://www.youtube.com/v/31DxV7Z_FBI&hl=en&fs=1

Before I answer, I would like to thank a few of my sources and inspirations.

First, to Billy Mays, I owe my gratitude. Without his obscenely loud shouting of every single line, I would not have had anything to make fun of this video.



And buy some FREAKING Oxy Clean!

Second, to the Tiddy Bear infomercial. Melissa recommended I talk about it on my blog anyway, so here's the tribute picture for that. I didn't want to make fun of this infomercial, as that would be akin to tripping a mentally handicapped kid and then spitting on him. Rather I celebrate how much guts it would take to air this on public television, let alone star in it.




Link to video omitted

So without further ado, here is my multi-faceted video. It is simultaneously a parody of everything Billy Mays has ever appeared in, a tribute to the courage displayed by the makers of the Tiddy Bear, and my answer to Kaycie's video asking me to Preference.


http://www.youtube.com/v/G7HU8mIt3TE&hl=en&fs=1

As a final note, I would like to point out to everyone that I misspelled "Preference" on the tee shirt. So I guess in a way this is also a tribute to my Princess. And if you didn't get that, you are not Melissa.

2006 vs 2008

So I had a Chamber gig this morning. And I got into my tux. And I said to myself "Kyle." (Sometimes I call myself Kyle.) "You are a stud. Take a picture, and put it on FaceBook." And through a long and narcissistic series of events, I found myself looking through my other FaceBook pictures. And I found one I took in 9th grade of me in my 9th grade Chamber tux. And I decided to write a compare/contrast essay on the two pictures. Because, let's face it: 5-7 pages of research paper for Gardner really isn't enough English writing in my life. So the paper follows. And I'll intersperse the pictures throughout so you don't forget what I'm writing about (because you guys just can't focus), and so I have more opportunities to make funny captions. Everyone wins. Go team! And the first picture is a thumbnail that links to the full-size. Also, I would like to point out that both pictures are available separately on FaceBook (pic c0mm3nts plzzzz!!!1!)



Bond. James Bond.
Bond. James Bond.

Since the beginning of time, man has posed in full Tuxedo attire for FaceBook pictures on a regular basis. This phenomenon has been called many things, such as "posing in a tux for a FB pic," "taking a picture of yourself in a tuxedo," and "Holy crap. That guy is hot." Because of the nature of posing for a tuxedo shot, America what it is today.

In 2006, Andrew Broekhuijsen was a Freshman at TMS. And he was in Chamber. So sometimes, he wore a tuxedo. The first recorded incident of this was about 1 month into the school year (Broekhuijsen 29,674). The same day, he took a picture of himself posing sexily.



[censored]

On the other side of the tortilla, on December 6th, 2008, Andrew took another one, this time in his slightly more legit 11th grade tux (Wikipedia). And he found that there were a whole lot of similarities between the two pictures. And he said to himself, "Randy, I should write a blog post about this."



See? Similar.

As you can see, the left picture (2006) features the "hand on the hips, with slightly tilted head" look. But! So does the one on the right, with a slightly more tilted head.



I like to think of it as a symbol
of my growing maturity.

Even more curiously, the pictures were taken with the same section of wall in the background (Probably, 1) When I saw that, I said to myself, "Nebuchadnezzar, you have some odd recurring habits."



This is the picture I'm talking
about, by the way

So as you can see,



Don't forget


these pictures forever changed the growing country that america turned out





to be.

END ESSAY

As a final note, I would like to point out that I purposely broke all the rules that were taught to me by Birrell and Woolsey. Quick recap: Cheesy cliché phrases, check. Ridiculously generalized thesis, check. Citing Wikipedia, check. Forgetting to capitalize the world "America," check. Single-spaced works cited* page, check. Predictable MasterCard reference, priceless.



*Works Cited page may or
may not be invisible.

How to Argue

For those of you who are unfamiliar with recent Blog history, here's the story behind this post. On November 24th, I posted it. On November 25th in the morning, Joshua deleted it because it was inspired by him, and evidently he felt that he deserved a portion of the profits. After a long and dramatic lawsuit involving public humiliation and disturbing death threats, I finally compensated him for roughly 500% of this blog's annual income (about $0.02) and in return, he showed me where he had backed up the blog post before he deleted it.

I will admit that this post was pretty rude. But it was also quite funny apparently. So I'll re-post it anyway. Here it is, how to argue:

---------------------------------

Before I start, I would like to thank Joshua for enlightening me on this subject. After experiencing his perfected form of this art, I have embarked on a period of reform in an attempt to refine my own ways. And I want to share this with you all too, so that you don't find yourself hopelessly outclassed next time you argue with a 14-year-old.

1. Repeat Their Argument

Your opponent comes up with an argument, and you can't seem to think of a counter-point that would refute it. At this point, don't panic. Your best bet is to take the argument they just crafted, change a few words to make it insulting, and hurl it back at them. It will confuse them, lower their morale significantly, and distract them from the purpose of the argument. In the case that you can't come up with replacement words, some arguments can be repeated verbatim.

Example 1:
[Opponent]: I wish you would stop picking on 10-year-olds.
[You]: I wish you would stop being such an idiot!

Example 2:
[Opponent]: I recommend some anger-management classes for you.
[You]: I recommend some anger-management classes for you!

2. Interrupt

One seemingly obvious, yet somehow underused technique is cutting off your opponent mid-sentence. It's really just common sense—if your opponent can't finish their argument, it becomes moot. For the greatest impact, interrupt in a place you can use to finish your opponent's sentence. Failing this, however, repeating one word or phrase until they stop talking can work. The uneducated mind might think this technique is in the same class as just plugging your ears and singing, "I can't hear you," but come on. That's immature.

Example 1:
[Opponent]: I'm just going to ignore your arguments from now on, because—
[You]: —they own you? You can't think of anything to say so you're just giving up? Yeah!

Example 2:
[Opponent]: As you can see from this chart I've compiled of every time you have angrily hit something because you lost a computer game,—
[You]: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

3. Go off on a Tangent

This will make the argument seem pointless for your opponent, at which stage they will usually just give up and let you have your way. The best way to do this is to point out a minor error they made in their speech, or ridicule something completely unrelated about them.

Example 1:
[Opponent]: You need to go over they're, and apologize to your brother for feeding him glue.
[You]: You idiot, their's no apostrophe in that kind of "there."

Example 2:
[Opponent]: Don't force feed your brother non-edible substances. It's simple.
[You]: What, like you've never made a mistake in your whole life?

4. Threaten Physical Attack

When the argument just isn't going your way, one last-ditch thing you can do is intimidate your opponent with your sheer physical advantage. If no such advantage exists, you can either assume that they won't notice (they probably won't), or go for some low but devastatingly effective attack.

Example 1:
[You]: I just want to punch you in the face so bad right now.

Example 2:
[You]: Stop talking, or I'll elbow you where it counts.

5. Get the Last Word

This is the true secret to winning an argument. How do you think Lincoln beat Douglass at all those debates? Even if he was getting his butt handed to him at each clash, he walked away with WAY more dignity at the end just by being the last one to talk.



I felt like I needed a picture.


This can be accomplished by either spewing one final remark and then declaring the argument over, or simply by muttering under your breath after they believe they have won.

Example 1:
[You]: I don't care what you think, I'm going to do whatever I want, the end.

Example 2:
[Opponent]:
[You]: (whispering) ...such an idiot.

I'm too lazy right now to write a clever ending paragraph, the end.

Letter to my Sister

I made a video. It is not a Vlog. But it is a video. And you should watch it. For those of you handicapped by BYU filters, the URL is

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3EIlJ6niEY

For the rest of you,

A Blog First

When I first began blogging, I never thought it would come to this. Personal attacks on specific people were simply not on the list of things to blog about. With the exception of Miley Cyrus, because she isn't a person.

So here's the first recorded incident in history. It was brought on by the fact that Joshua entered my account sometime between last time I posted (last night at around 11:00) and when I got home from school today (about 2:30) and deleted the post. Why? Because it was full of snide (and devastatingly witty) asides that pointed quite obviously at him. And unfortunately, I have no way of recovering said post.

So here's the deal:

Joshua, I am talking directly to you now. If you ever touch my blog again in any way except for a harmless comment, I will hunt you down. I will disembowel you with a spatula. This is not an idle threat.



It will find you.

For the rest of you, I will try and re-create the post from last time, but like saving a JPEG too many times, some quality will be lost. I apologize for this, and promise to keep my account more secure from now on.

If any of my readers have verbal abuse to hurl at younger brothers, feel free to do so in the comments section.

Vlogging. Yea or Nay?

I was recently seized upon by sudden and unexplainable urge to try Vlogging. What inspired me? A single YouTube video that I stumbled accross. I won't link to it because it's totally irrelevant, but essentially, it was the first and only post on a Vlog I've ever seen that wasn't a teenager trying to be deep, and adult trying to be deep, a teenager playing some piece of crap music they composed, or and adult playing some piece of crap music they composed.





But fear not - my theory that all Vloggers are annoying losers is intact. Every other entry by this particular Vlogger fit into one of the above mentioned categories.

Since equipment is not an issue, I will list the pros and cons of Vlogging, then hold a poll to decide for me.

Pros:

-I can go down in history as the first non-obnoxious Vlogger. I strongly suspect there will be trophies involved.



This, only bigger


-It's easier for me to show rather than telling with video. This will delight creative writing teachers across the world.
-I could gain up to 4 viewers if I start uploading videos to YouTube. And maybe some of them won't even be other Vloggers that only comment because they want me to go watch their videos and comment too.
-It will motivate me to shave.
-I have an excuse to discriminate against people who are sitting behind really paranoid internet blockers.

Cons:

-There is a chance I will lose all of my self respect. I will ask now, in advance: if I ever include a guitar or any awkward poetry in my Vlog, please hire a hit man to have me assassinated. And tell them to make it look like an accident.



Then again, she is pure unadornment


-Editing movies takes a lot of time. And hard drive space.
-What if I forget to shave?

Well. I don't know about you, but I see more pros than cons. But! Comment. Cast your ballot. I await your opinions.

Rare Talents that I Have

Well it had to happen eventually. After all, the real reason I established this blog was so that eventually, I could go on a spiel about how talented I was. But this isn't just any old "I can play clarinet, recite Twilight cover to cover, and write awkward poetry" type list. No, these are talents I find in myself that very few other people in this world have. Mostly famous people. So without further ado,

#1. Simultaneously Planning and Filming the Same Movie

My Example: 23

It takes some wonderful improvisation skills to make up a movie as you go. Honestly, I'm not sure how I do it. And with such wonderful results too. Some people make movies out of books. But the true worth of a movie is proven when it's good enough to make a book out of the movie. Not that any book-of-a-movie could really capture the awesomeness of 23 anyway. And the publishers sent it back.




You could have been rich men!


Celebrity with the same talent:

Michael Bay

#2. Wasting Copious Amounts of Time

My Example:



Star Wars Kid II?
Sounds like a great movie.

I consider it particularly impressive that I spent a good 2 hours making this. And for what possible purpose, you ask? Do I, perhaps want to enjoy the kind of internet fame that our jiggly friend experienced? Well, no. The main reason is because I was bored.

Celebrity with the same talent:

Michael Bay
#3. Making Terrible Movies

Yeah. Michael Bay.

#4. Ruthlessly Mocking People Who Think they're Edgy

My example: You're reading it.

Are you 18? Do you have little or no knowlege about the issues that we faced during the presidential elections? You probably voted for Obama, didn't you?



"Because my parents are Republicans"

You realized that Obama was the candidate of choice for the young voter who knew nothing about politics. Also, he's black, so that makes him cooler.

My point? You're not edgy.

Celebrity with the same talent:
None. In this, I am unequaled.

If you like mocking people who are sadly mistaken about their own edginess, feel free to do so in the comments section.

The Field Guide to Utah Dance People Types

Dances in Utah can be extremely interesting places to be. But beware, there are several dangerous life-forms that can be present at these dances. Here is a field guide to the types of people native to Utah dances, whether they are held by the school, your stake, or your college ward.

#1. The guy that doesn't dance



Please stop jumping up and down


General Info:
Usually somewhere between the age of 14 and 16 (though exceptions are not terribly uncommon), this is the guy who makes you wonder why he's even at a dance. He'll just stand there awkwardly whenever a fast song is playing, usually along a wall, sometimes talking to his friends to distract everyone from the fact that he's not actually dancing.

Behavior:
Occasionally, he will go into the middle of a group to jump up and down with one hand in the air. Watch for this on songs such as Ocean Avenue by Yellowcard, All the Small Things by Blink-182, or virtually anything by Good Charlotte. Also, he will sometimes dance with a girl when a slow song comes on.

Potential Dangers:
If you dance with him during a slow song, be prepared to have your feet stepped on repeatedly.

#2. The skank



Pictured: 2 skanks, 1 wannabe skank


General Info:
This girl can be anywhere from 14 to 22 years old. She usually views herself as rebellious and a party animal, and feels the need to make sure everyone else knows she's a rebellious party animal by dressing like a whore.

Behavior:
This girl thrives on rap music (which explains the increasing population), because it gives her opportunities to show everyone how rebellious she is by dirty dancing, such as grinding and "getting low."

Potential Dangers:
Be careful around her unless you want to be ridiculed for being a "goody two-shoes." Also, many skanks have extremely shrill laughs that can wreak havoc with human ear canals.

#3. The gangsta black guy



Picture taken in Lehi


General Info:
This rare specimen isn't found at every Utah dance, but most have one or two. The black guy at the dance is good at dancing and not afraid to let everyone know. Like the skank, he thrives on rap.

Behavior:
The main identifying behavior of this species is his attraction to both skanks, and dance circles (which are often formed by guys who won't dance to focus the attention to somewhere besides themselves). The black guy will go into this circle during a rap song and nearly always breakdance.

Potential Dangers:
Don't do anything that might anger a black guy, as he can probably best you in physical combat. If you are challenged to a fight, avoid making eye contact, back away slowly, and leave the dance.

#4. The white guy who thinks he's a gangsta black guy



Dude! People here don't
even dance! That's wack!


General Info:
As rap became popular in Utah, many white males saw how effective breakdancing was at attracting a potential mate. This evolved a large group of whites that fooled themselves into thinking they could breakdance.

Behavior:
Without fail, members of this fascinating sub-species tend to congregate in dance circles. They love the attention they get from the uneducated masses. One legendary "wangster" (who will remain unnamed) broke the record for "number of times entered into a single circle to breakdance," a record that still stands today, and is all the more impressive because he was serious, not just making fun of himself.

Potential Dangers:
This species has been known to challenge black guys to breakdance competitions. If you are black, and get challenged by a wangster, don't panic. Black people have a 99.8% win rate against white people.

#5. The ballroom couple



These guys, only at a high
school dance instead of
a competition


General Info:
The defining feature of the ballroom couple is their interesting symbiosis at dances. A lone ballroom dancer has never been identified at a dance, so scientists are forced to assume they cannot be separated for more than about 30 minutes without dying.

Behavior:
These species are extremely easy to identify during slow songs. Look for a couple that seems to be romantically involved, and utilizing a ridiculous number of twirls and dips in their dancing.. The commonly accepted reason for this is their deeply ingrained need for attention, which is rarely satisfied by society in daily life.

Potential Dangers:
Ballroom dancers are mostly harmless and rarely aggressive. However, there are nearly 100 reported cases of extreme psychological damage due to seeing a guy in tight black shiny leather pants.

Utah dances are places that can be full of wonder, but quite dangerous for the uneducated traveler. Keep this field guide with you at all times when at a dance, however, and you should be protected from any danger. Available in hardcover and paperback form for $100.00 USD. Call 1-800-SAFE-DANCE-NOW. Must be 18 or older to order.

4 Inventions Earth has yet to Recover from

Invention is born of necessity, or so goes the saying. While this holds true for inventions like cars, velcro, and liposuction, inventions like the ones on this list make me wonder how much LSD the geniuses (or genii, if you happen to be Mr. Vawdrey) responsible for these monstrosities ingested before "seeing" their necessity.

#4. The "Buddy Throw"


This cute little blanket is there to help you cope when you're separated from that important stick-figure in your life. Buddy here reminds you perfectly of his or her welcoming 6-foot-long arm and complete lack of hair. If you're really feeling lonely, you can even sit on his or her lap. Just be careful... it's probably trying to put its arm around whoever is sitting next to you.

About as good an idea as...
Microwaving magnesium

#3. Vending Machine Urban Camoflauge



Can you pick out the human in this group? Here's a hint: it's the wrinkly one. While some type of urban camoflauge will be useful for when China finally decides to go to war with the US, cloth isn't the most convincing metal-imitator. And the inventors of this apparently need a lesson in basic vending machine anatomy. Namely that vending machines don't have feet.

About as good an idea as...
Helping Miley Cyrus become the head of the Church of Scientology

#2. USB Vacuum Cleaner



Tired of those annoying manageably-sized messes within a three foot radius of your computer? I imagine that the inventor of this beauty was too. And by shelling out about $50.00, you too can avoid sweeping those Dorito crumbs off of your mouse pad. Or, at least you would be able to if this vacuum's power was measured in horsepower instead of crippled-pygmy-turtle power.

About as good an idea as...
Soymilk

#1. The Face-Mounted Mirror



Some people just never tire of their own reflections. If you are one of those people, you might be wondering why this is on the "stupid inventions" list - kind of like everyone around you is wondering whether or not the jail time for aggravated assault is a fair price to pay to shoot you in the kneecaps. Well, at least they won't be able to sneak up on you from behind.

About as good an idea as...
Giving Chuck Norris a noogie

Have you ever seen a truly horrendous invention? Share it with the world* in the comments box!

*The phrase "the world" may or may not refer to the six readers of this blog.

A Crusade Against Miley Cyrus

Brethren and sistren in arms! Today marks the beginning of a new era! An era where terrible music(?) is ostracized! An era where not every teenage girl of subaverage intelligence worships Hannah Montana! An era of prosperity! For today, we begin our campaign to strip the Queen of Evil, Miley Cyrus herself, off of her polished woodland-creature-skull throne!

The wheels of history are only moved by blood! Since physically assassinating people is illegal, however, the next best thing is a smear campaign! But I do not do my wondrous plan justice - a smear campaign implies slander and lies. Our public denouncement of Miley Cyrus will be 100% honest!

In an effort to compile a large armory of ammunition for us to use in the coming conflict, I present:

4 Reasons To Hate the Existence of Miley Cyrus

#1 - She Belongs to the Disney Channel

How many others have we seen corrupted by Disney?



Lindsay Lohan - drug addict


Britney Spears - totally creepy


Hilary Duff - if MySpace could fit in one person, it would be Hilary Duff


Christy Romano - thinks she can sing


Kim Possible - poor girl got turned into a freakin' cartoon!

What do all these girls have in common? They were once incredibly popular, and then became the butt of many jokes.

#2. She Invaded YouTube

Yes, our beloved YouTube has been poisoned by the influence of this monster. We will not stand for this!




If you didn't watch that (which I would totally understand), let me sum it up for you. Miley and her obnoxious friend Mandy run around screaming at the top of their voices for no discernible reason. This continues for the eight minute duration of the video. But my point? IT'S ON YOUTUBE! Apparently public television wasn't enough for Miley and she wanted to shunt her bass voice on those souls lucky enough NOT to watch the Disney Channel as well.

But the true horror of the video only comes when you play it backwards. Similar to how "Revolution" repeats "Turn me on, dead man" over and over again, when reversed, this video shows Miley murder an orphan in cold blood, and then proceed to punch a kitten in the throat 16 times.

On a related note, if anyone wants to be severely creeped out, watch the backwards Revolution video with white text on black saying what the song says backwards on YouTube. Late at night. With nobody else there. *shudder*

#3. She Hates Children

Which is why she is trying to deafen them all with her incessant screeching, be it on TV, concerts, or YouTube.

#4. She Endorses Satanism and All its Practices



Shh.... eat babies.

I hope this post has incited those of you unaware of the extent of this menace to society's crimes. Remember - only with strength and each other can we remove this awful tumor from the minds of the general public. Feel free to insert other heinous crimes Cyrus has committed in the comments box. These should be similar to Chuck Norris jokes. Only, you know, bad.

How to Actually MAKE a Stop-Motion Movie (on a Mac, of course)

So apparently my mini-guide last post wasn't quite enough. Also, I was pleasantly surprised that more of my 5 readers than I thought are Mac users. It makes me feel like my blog attracts a classy crowd.

Here is a more complete guide to making a stop-motion video, via iPhoto and iMovie. Also, disregard that deadline I randomly set. You can still make a movie and turn it in. Also, most of these pics are thumbnails, so click to enlarge.

Step 1: Take your camera out of your bag. Set your resolution to the lowest your camera will go. Take many, many, many pictures.

Step 2: Upload photos into their own album on iPhoto.






Step 3: Make a new project in iMovie. Name it whatever you want your video to be called. Some questions to ask yourself when composing a name are, "Does this name make sense?" "Does this name have anything to do with the movie?" and "Will this name convey the impression I was on Acid when I wrote it?"






Step 4: Go to the "Media" tab, and make sure it's displaying Photos instead of Music. Select your album.

Step 5: Highlight all the photos in your album. The easiest way to accomplish this is to click the first one, then scroll down to the last one and shift-click it, but some people prefer the archaic method of clicking every single one. Apparently it affords a greater sense of satisfaction after you've worn out your mouse clicking 362 separate pictures. Once you have them highlighted, go to the little box that popped up when you selected one. Set the top to 1:00. This will turn off the Ken Burns effect (slow zooming in and panning). The bottom slider should go ALL THE WAY DOWN. The number should be 0:03. This means 0 seconds and 3 frames.









Step 6: Press Apply. This will put all the pictures in the album into the timeline, pre-formatted to 3 frames each. Then again, if all those college relaxation hours are driving you crazy, you could spend a little extra time (possibly less than a fortnight) dragging every single photo down to size by hand.






Step 7: File>Export to QuickTime. Compress for CD-ROM. Upload to YouTube. Comment a link. Congratulations!







Optional: If you want to add music to your movie, go back to the Media tab, but this time make sure "Music" is selected. Pick a movie from iTunes and drag it below the video timeline (there are 3 timelines - 1 video and 2 audio). If you don't want your video to be 30 seconds of movie + the rest of the song playing to a very interesting black screen, click on the big purple thing in the timeline (it will get a little darker when you select it), drag the little pointer just above the video timeline to the end of the video, and press Cmd+T. This will separate your audio. Then select the audio you don't need and delete it.

Stop-Motion Contest!

For those uneducated int he ways of movie-making, stop-motion is a way to make movies without actually having a video camera. All claymation is stop-motion, for example. Since the majority of people who read my blog are college students for whatever reason, I address this challenge to you primarily: take some of that extra time you have lying around everywhere and use it to make a Stop-Motion movie, which can be accomplished with just a digital camera. I repeat, a video camera is not required.

Here are detailed instructions on how to make a stop-motion movie:

Step 1: Decide what your movie will be about. Don't make the mistake that I made in 9th grade, namely beginning filming without the slightest idea of a plot. You'll end up with something like 23.

Step 2: Find your digital camera. You have like 18 square feet of room in your dorm, it can't be that hard.

Step 3: Set your resolution to a lower setting than standard - I don't know how to do this for everyone's specific camera, but it shouldn't be too difficult. The reason for this is that video frames go by so fast that your eye doesn't have time to digest details of high-resolution anyway. You'll save space on your card and computer.

Step 4: Photograph every single frame of your movie. It's kind of a pain, but that's why stop-motion movies are usually so short. The less you move between shots, the smoother your movie will appear, but also the longer it will take. Regular video is just over 25 frames per second, so if you're doing like 50 or something, you can definitely tone it down.

Step 5 (optional): Edit your photos to increase lightness or fix whatever problems you had. Also, you can add special effects a lot more easily in stop-motion because there are fewer frames to rotoscope.

Step 6: Put all of your pictures into a video editing program in order. I used iMovie; sinners Windows users can use Windows Movie Maker. Each of your photos should be displayed for about 1/10th of a second. Less if you have a lot of frames, more if you don't have so many. Just play around with it until it looks like a movie rather than a slideshow, but you can still tell what's going on.

Step 7: Both iMovie and Windows Movie Maker can export this into an actual movie instead of a collection of pictures. Aim for a smaller file size when exporting (in iMovie, if you export to Quicktime using CD-ROM compression, your file size will be perfect. Can't help the sinners Windows users on that).

Step 8: Upload your video to YouTube. If you don't have a YouTube account, make one! To submit your entry, put a link to it in the comments box. I'll make another post after the deadline with all your videos in it.

The deadline is October 19th, so get crackin'!

Here's my entry, by the way. I made it when I was in 8th grade with some of my friends. Yesterday I stumbled accross it and added some sound effects. You guys can't really hope to compete with its awesomeness, so I'll let somebody else have 1st place. Mine can just be considered Ruler of All Things Stop Motion.

Adventures of a Super Super Super (x50) Senior

There was once a boy called Andrew. He was pretty much a nerd, and really into photography for his school paper. One day, on a field trip or something, he was bitten by a bio-engineered super spider. The poison from the bite gave him the gift of eternal youth. He was forever frozen as a senior in High School. Coincidentally, he wasn't the greatest student academically, so he failed his graduating year 50 times. These are the tales of...






Faster than a speeding Freshman! More powerful than a Varsity Lineman! Can leap small Sophomores in a single bound! These phrases all describe Super Senior. By day, an ordinary high school student. By night, an ordinary high school student, only asleep! These are notable years of his life. Because he's the hero Highland deserves, but not the one they need right now. The hero. The Protector. The LP Knight.

1952

This was the first year of his disease. He may have looked pretty slick, but trust me. He was a nerd.

1954

Adopting somewhat of a "Dax Flame" look, Super Senior realized something was wrong when he didn't appear to have aged at all since the first time he failed high school.

1968

After 14 years of being a senior, Andrew thought he could make people believe he was older if he grew his hair out.

1970

This year, Super Senior tried to trick his fellow students into believing he was a professor. This ruse lasted about eight minutes.

1974

Andrew spent a whole year trying to dance his problems away. While he became a hero on the floor, he failed to graduate.

1976


I don't get the turtleneck either. What the heck?

1986

Influenced by people such as Michael Jackson (note the hairstyle), Super Senior began to accept his fate. After all, Michael Jackson had an aging problem too, and he was still cool.

1990

Andrew became one of Nirvana's first fans.

1998

Instead of trying to drink his life away, Super Senior went for the tastier option of eating his life away, a la Big Mac.

2008

What does the future hold for Andrew? Will he ever be normal? Will he ever pass his classes in high school? The world may never know.